The Ute Assault

A burly man in biker leather strode toward me, struggling to keep his balance on the back of the fast-moving ute. His similarly-dressed friend kept trying to move with him, but had less balance than his companion, so elected to glare at me while holding on to the tray very, very tightly.

‘Now, gentlemen,’ I started. ‘You’ve got more than enough supplies on this ute for us to share. Although I am absolutely going to steal all of it, so I understand why that isn’t a compelling argument for you.’

The brute closest to me let out an almighty bellow and launched himself at me to knock me off the back of the ute. I almost laughed, as my training kicked in – I’d been learning how to keep my footing and hold off an attacker on the back of a ute tray since I was small. A bare tray like this was easy – a half canopy made things much trickier.

My opponent didn’t seem to have that same level of training. His foot got caught in a strap of cargo netting, and he flew off the side of the tray with barely enough time to register a surprised expression on his face.

‘Ouch,’ I grimaced, looking up to his friend with an apologetic look. ‘I don’t think we can blame me for that, can we? Morally speaking?’

‘You die, Scavenger!’ he roared, letting go of his inhibition and running at me, fists raised.

A small bump in the road, and he too went rocketing over the side.

‘Again, just don’t think that can be put on me,’ I said to myself, shaking my head. With a shrug, I clambered back to the front of the tray and then to the back door, sticking my head in to confront the driver.

‘Show’s over, pal,’ I grinned. ‘This is my rig now. By the way, I know the best place to purchase a 4×4 aluminium canopy. Melbourne isn’t too far from here, if you just want to pull over and—’

‘You disarmed my friends!’ he cried, enraged.

‘It’s actually a little morally complicated—’

He slammed on the brakes.


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